Thursday, August 27, 2009

SELFISH

It has been a lil while since i first introduced myself on my 1st blog. I need to let out some steam if you dont mind....So i shall begin.....THE WORD SELFISH. I am selfish and i hate to admit it but its true. Sometimes i get so caught up in myself that i forget that everything doesnt and WONT be my way 24/7. Now dont get me wrong i know that people have their own life to tend to but sometimes i get so wrapped up thinking about the negatve things i forget about the positve things..sound confusing? Bc it is.

Let me break it down some because you are prob. wondering "what is she talking about"....i know im right lol. So me and my son are moving back to my hometown Orlando,Fl and im currently staying with my BFF until we leave. So my bff has a roomate and she just started dating a new guy and is NEVER home. My bff complains to me about that 24/7....how she attaches to a guy easy and blah blah blah. So my bff talks to a guy also(shes single though). My bff is not the type to attach herself to a guy completely bc like me shes been hurt by guys and doesnt want to go down that path again. So she talks to many diff guys..No problem with that bc guys nowadayz are not shit(most of them at least). So its this one guy that she talks to and spends most of her time with him now. She barely comes home and keeps clothes at his house or whatnot. My thing is how can she be talking about her roomate and she is starting to do the same things,,,u cant talk about something then turn right around and do the same thing...but to each is own i guess.


My main focus is on me though. My bff is sad that me and poodie are moving back, BUT i barely ever see her at home anymore.. :-(. Im being selfish because i want her all to myself and she has a life of her own as well. I just feel sad and guilty for thinking like this bc if i told her how i feel about this situation she would stay home with me and poodie and spend more time with us. The bad part about that is thats soo wrong on so many levels. Her life doesnt stop just because me and poodie are leaving, Yes we will miss each other ALOT and yes i will cry But ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Im clueless about what i should or should not say...:-/

I dont like the fact that im Selfish but im Woman enough to admit what lots of people feel but wont admit to. I like things to go my way and if they dont it becomes a BIG problem. The sad part about that is ive been told im selfish by so many people and i never actually realized that i am. I denied it over and over and recently just had a falling out with my fav cousin that i used to do everything with beccause of me being selfish and a few other things...I dont want to be a selfish person because its not becoming for a Woman to feel like that. I dont know the first place to start, What i do know is that it is time to take a look in the mirror and realize that my "shit do stink" and find a way to work threw my damn problems and get ove my "lil kid" ways. I am 21 years old with a 16 month handsome baby boy and i have so many blessing to thank GOD for.

Dont judge me because we all have faults but im just woman enough to express mines and not be ashamed about it....IM STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS AND I HAVE SO MUCH MORE ROOM TO GROW INTO THE WOMAN I WANT TO BECOME..

I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AFTER WRITING THIS..LIKE A BIG TON OF BRICKS HAS BEEN LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS...'

X______TRACEY XOXOXO

PS FEEDBACK IS VERY APPRECIATED

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