Hello..this is my very first blog and honestly i feel its way overdue. Im a very private person but i need to let out some of my feelings with yall tonight...hmm where should i start. ill start off by saying that my life has been very rocky and feels like im been losing myself during this whole process. my mother died at the end of march this year. she was my everything regardless of all the problems we had(the normal mother/daughter issue) I feel like a piece of me is FOREVER gone. Some nights I lay in bed and just cry while my son is asleep. My heart really hurts..I'm trying not to cry right now but my eyes r getting blurry and tears are starting to fall as I write this. I play this tough girl role all the time to everyone so I appear strong, but I know all my family and friends see I'm hurting inside. Nobody can stop the hurt and I just wish someone would take the pain away. Its been very hard for me to get out of bed at times. I know its terrible to say but sometimes I wish I was gone with my mom. She will NEVER be able to enjoy her first grandchild. My son is 14 months and won't even remember anything or her. That really pains me. I'm really breaking down and I feel so alone. My father or nobody can't feel how I feel. My friends have their own problems and I don't want to push my problems on anyone. So I keep to myself and cry it out thinking I will feel better after I'm done. It NEVER works bc after I'm done crying the empty spot in my heart is still there. I planned to talk about love and yada yada in my other thoughts in my first blog BUT my mom is what came up once I started typing. To be honest no words can express my hole in my heart. Well I'm gonna end this blog now...
RIP MOMMY I love you with all my heart. Save a place for me and Cj up there. I know you are cutting the fool up there..I LOVE YOU
About Me
- xoxoTraceyxoxo
- Florida, United States
- *A servant Of God... *Striving to understand and fulfill my purpose and calling on this earth *Dying daily to sin and overcoming anything the devil puts in my path *Desiring to reach those lost souls that God wants to use for his glory *Mother to a precious 4 year old son
Well first of all, sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I couldn't bear to imagine the pain that you feel. But you know what you should do? Gather memories of you mother and make sure that you keep those memories alive for you son. He may not remember her in the physical form, but he will have a sense of the woman that she was through you.
ReplyDelete